A Happy Place

Do you guys have a happy place in your life ?

I mean a place where you can run away to, where you will be happy.  I am sure I had one.
But I don't remember it now.

I was very sad. Sad about lot of things. I wanted to express this to someone. But I couldn't. It had repercussions. So the logical thing was to shut up and let the time pass by.

But then you cannot be silent forever. It suffocates you after some time. Then you think about the happy place. The place where you will be happy because that is the happiest place you have been to.

So many places came by when I tried to go there. Like those pictures that are rotated to get a feel of motion, they zipped passed my vision. It was like there was no happy place for me. Atleast not a true one.

I am quite disappointed about the fact that even after all these years I didn't have a happy place where I could take a recluse. 

Or perhaps, I didn't need one before.

I never wanted to run away there. I never had done that before. Until now.

May be I need to have a happy place. A place where I will be a bystander, watching what is happening and being happy about it.

Marseille and Whys

Sometimes you fall into a dream while sleeping only to know that you have been only sleeping when you get up. That is what life in Marseille was all about.

On a windy and cold morning in November I came here. I came in with nothing and I am going back with everything. I haven't gained anything that I wished for. But I gained so many things that I never asked for. I did not learn anything new but I gained so much insight into my life. Things I never would have learned in the busy streets of India.

I know it was just a dream. Now I have woken up to my life.

Life became slow. A curious ponder about infinite mundane things that I could otherwise wouldn't have ignored in the plethora of distractions. It defined a sufficient, necessary and absolutely necessary things I require in my life.

Sometimes it takes a lifetime to understand what one wants. But once you find what you really want then you have life to live, you think everything is figured out. Wrong, the biggest irony is you know what you want but you can't do it.  You are bounded by your own strings that you got attached with over the period. It is a curse I believe.

Back in Bangalore, I see instances of Marseille. And those instances take me back there at least for moment. Some times you ask the question of Why. Why you went there ? Why you left there? and so many other whys. I have learned to laugh at my idiocies. But I think sometimes there is a tear or two that drops when I laugh at them. But then thats life. Isn't it ?