Love,Sex and Death

“I didn’t have sex yet” My friend howled from back.
“Why are you saying that to me now??” I howled back. It is very difficult to talk while riding a bike you know. And moreover when your ego is being cashed by guy who overtook you, it’s virtually impossible to think straight.
“I don’t want to die without having sex” He howled again.

For the sake of sex(ah!) my pulsar 180 reduced its RPM, after all its definitely male !
“Who knows death is more pleasurable than sex” I reasoned.
“But then if otherwise I do have a choice. I ll have sex then experience death” he had a point.
“Do you actually want to have sex or just make love?” I wanted to ask. But hands from ether knitted my mouths before it spelled out.
Make love – I don’t know who coined that term. How do you possibly make love? Love just happens if you try to make it, is it love?
Reasons unknown, fate unknown, perdition/existence unknown – just a sense of being in love is the only absolute; I just love it!!!

Yet again.....

2 years is a long time. People change, as well as places also. Back then, the city was not this much crowded. There were concrete structure everywhere and an urban tag hung loose in slippery wet paint. Vehicles with registration number from all over the county plied across with a haste to catch up the one in the front. Everybody was busy. The city had lost his sheen. Only thing that reminded of the old city was the beautiful climate which itself, sometimes, felt like coughing and brooding over his majestic lost glory.

Welcome to Bangalore.

Somehow through the menacing traffic he reached there. Every body had already arrived. He was the last, as usual. Back in college, the professor would have shouted for coming this late but not today. “yaar, tu bilkul nahi badla(dude, you haven’t changed at all)” Shagun said with his resonating voice. One after another followed the suit. They hadn’t changed, he thought. He felt like back to where he belongs, after a long time.

Time swept across, day became night and even crossed midnight, but nobody slept. They were here not to sleep. They all had everything they aspired for: a good career, money and a life. He too seemed normal like them until the question was raised. “Why are you like this?” So many people had asked him this but then he didn’t have the answer. He never had the answer. But then some questions cannot be answered. It simply comes in one category. “I don’t know”, he said with a fake smile. And they never asked him again.

Everything had indeed changed.

The fun part.....

I ogled. She didn’t see.
She did the same. I pretended not to see.
I want to flash a smile, A sign of recognition. But she wouldn’t turn to my side.
Pickup lines clouded my thought process, it then became hazy. Then I jumped ahead.
“Would you mind buying me a coffee?”
She stared. “uh…..”.
“Ok then, let me buy you one….” I said with my ill famous naughty smile.
Now, she removed her Versace glasses to stare…even more beautifully.
“Tea also no problem…..but please…. I know begging is humiliating, but I don’t care..”
She didn’t hesitate anymore.
The finger was up.
No, not the one I expected, but the one with the golden ring on it.
“I am married”. She said, may be with a dismal which she didn’t want to express.

This is us.....

I got drenched in the summer rain. With soaked shoes I climbed the stair towards my den.

On the top of the door it was written S1 in blue on the light brown plaster shade, the plaster from the side walls were going off. I should inform the land lady about it, I thought.

It’s locked. Where are the others? In the office?? Nah …..Partying? May be…

I turned to the opposite flat ‘S4’, without any mercy, pressed the calling bell. I could hear a chair being pushed back and the slacked sound of a lazy feet coming to the door step.

“Keys uncle.” I say with a little respect and warm smile, you know why? He is the spy our land lady has arranged for keeping an eye on our “business”.

He already had the key which he gives me in haste so that he won’t miss the never-ending-soap that he was watching. And even before I say my rare ‘thank you’, the door just closes with a bang.

It’s the same pair of keys that our land lady gave to us 2 years back. She, then, had asked to replace the godrej lock, which still is guarding our fort faithfully .I smirk.

The doors open with creaky sound and into darkness I enter. Oh! It’s so beautiful.
With fumbling wet hands I search for the master switch and turn it on. Again I am safe, I didn’t get electrocuted.

The light after darkness blinded me for second then I adjust myself to the reality. The messy reality. I dont have to switch on any switch, every thing has been on from yesterday night.

I throw my shoes to dunes in the corner, way far from the shoe rack. Chaos is beautiful. In that mountain of shoes, it would take me at least 10 min to find the right pair. For the pair socks, I am thankful that there is no rule that we should wear a matching pair.

Neatly pressed clothes lay on the floor adjacent to door, the ones in the bottom is already getting dirty, but since we are adamant about giving a daily 1 hr task to our maid I don’t complain. I remove my wet clothes and recollect the day I was born and again come back to civilized world by putting on my boxers. The curtain to the next building was still open. Yes, it’s a free show.

The old coffee mug promoted ash tray lay on the floor with hundred and one cigarette stubs in it. I search for the TV remote. We love to archive our belongings on the table so that we don’t have to search anywhere else. I begin my search. Yester newspaper, magazines, id cards, watches, CDs, resumes, novels, cigarette packs….and finally a group of remotes for the all the electronic gadgets present in working/non working state… I delicately take TV one with both my hands, I don’t want to disrupt the equilibrium, because it works according to its mercy. I jam my fingers on the red button and wait. Nothing happens. I tap first gently and then when it fails, bang violently. No batteries. I curse my roomies. One after another, all the remotes are opened – no batteries. Should I buy one? Nah…..anyway it’s the time for them to come, I check the clock which stopped at 11:00 am a year way back. Reason: no batteries. I smile.

I turn back to the only thing that works without any hiccups (at present) – the speaker and the Ipod.

“In the end…..” Linkin park says our state loud and clear.

Welcome to bachelors world!

B – Bad boy.

Its ringing again, he should have enrolled for the evening class!!!

“Oye you got class!! “ I try not to show my anger at him.

Wake up, or else you ll miss the bus

huh….5 more minutes…

Oh god! Wont this thing stops ringing.

Should I go to office or not?

I guess its already late

May be I ll go in the late shuttle.

Now who is ring at the door – ah the maid, let somebody else open the door

Why cant he put that curtain on, the glare is too much to bear.

“B get up.. lets go for a swim.” He exclaim.

I peep out of my den with a complete emptiness.

“Huh….umm….I am already late for the office.” I say with a wearing tone

“On a Saturday???”

I pull back my covers…again.

That letter I never wrote.

Dear …..,

I never knew when it happened or how it happened. I thought I was hard and invincible and am above the forces of nature. But cupid wouldn’t let me live an uncommon life of a common man. And for that arrow that struck my heart you reside in me with a joyful pain of love.

From the rainy day of June when I first saw you to yesterday’s sweet laughter with which you kept the phone, you gave me memories that I like to live in for ever and ever. With you around I want to count the lives that every second holds in my breath. Never have I felt alone when I was far away – your breath was always there to keep me warm and to tell me about eternity that we would live.

Sun is setting down, a day of my chapter closing with twinkle of your smile to dream for. I wish the life would be like this forever.

PS: I am stopping here; I am so bad in it!!!!!!

Love,
B…

Off-Court..

She says Rafa is better than Roger. She lays out a million instances for his glory - About his mastery on clay, his agility, his stamina, his hunger for victory. And this year, she continuous, it will be Rafa and his Corrida in Rolland Garros and after this year it would be just Rafa’s Capote that French people would talk of.

He just sits back and listens.

She then goes to say about the serve, the fastest servers, and the unbelievable -the one that curve into, the one that eludes you by a whisker and then she moves on the great match, grand slam matches that he hasn’t even heard off. He wondered if there is any thing else in this female’s mind apart from Tennis!!

Then, again, she comes back to Rafa. She says about his Girl friend, his role model and writes another masterpiece with ever inexhaustible vocabulary.
He thinks she was born on a tennis court with Rafa as the midwife (or mid husband!!).

For second she becomes silent. And he just grabs that opportunity.

“Were you in the college tennis team or something like that? “ He was genuinely curious.

“No…I was not that…athletic” – she tries to reason.

Now his eagerness prompts “Have you watched any matches – maybe Chennai open?”

“No..never… I didn’t have the company to go last time …” She says with despair.

“Have you ever seen a tennis court?” He mocks.

She doesn’t reply. Only silence answers in its vague, yet emotional way.

He bites his lips; he knew he had asked the wrong question. Catastrophe caused couldn’t be undone yet he asks “let’s make the next team outing to Rolland Garros and see Federer winning it!!”

She turns around with glimmer in her eyes and says “Correction, Rafa winning it!!”

From the page i missed.....

He used to sit in the 3rd bench and I on the 4th. We met there, in the tuition class, but we knew we had met before- where and when we didn’t know. But it was for sure that we had met before.

While going back we either boarded the same bus or he would come with us in my car. Curses about the teachers then sprung in the air,Unchecked by my dad, as he too didn’t like Math and chemistry. He never knew where I stayed. He always got down in the middle. And he got out from the tuition class in the middle too.
When professor asked for the reason, he shyly said he wanted to prepare for JEE. In our part of the country only People with insane mind go for IIT the rest of the insanes get satisfied with NIT or other state colleges. But he wasn’t insane.

After that I saw him for the IIT screening, which I humbly wrote because I was supposed to write it as my mothers friends sibling were fighting for it. For unbounded forces and the deep integration which that paper heralded at me, I should have ran away from that examination hall. But I stayed. After the exam I saw him in the middle of the crowd fiercely arguing the correctness of his answer. An inner shame compelled me not to go there.

When the result came, his name popped out from everywhere. Those who didn’t know him claimed to be his best friends and those who knew, praised his hard work and dedication.

Then the unavoidable space of separation came between us for about 3 years.

One day when I was at home for my vacation, I read in the newspaper about an IITian getting drowned. I prayed it was not him.
But then he was always in the habit of getting down in the middle. And yes, he went in the middle, to where I still don’t know.

A second chance….

“Will you give me a second chance” .He pleaded.

“It is late now, but then, what will you do with this so called chance” It asked.

“I have to change a sequence of my life, just one...” He beamed with confidence.

“Are you sure that’s the correct one” It was trying to play with his mind.

“Umm…Ya I guess so.”

“May be its better to change today and expect for a better tomorrow than changing yesterday and expecting for a better today” again it was trying to play – with his mind.

“No I want to have a better today than a hope for a better tomorrow” He was adamant.

“Ok, so shall be it. Where do you want to change it?” It was curious.

“Let me have your ears..” Then he whispered with gleam never seen before.

Boom!!!!

He looked around and smiled.

See no more.....

I didn’t want to drive.

I wanted to be a pillion.

My bike first grunted to the inexperienced hands of my friend but then every wild animal can be Tamed and it so happened with my Bike.

Chilled breeze flew from the beach to the highway side: its going to rain, I could smell its
arrival. To make my 'unstable' equilibrium stable, I held my arms in crossed position
on his shoulder.

Then I closed my eyes.

It was a strange feeling, a feeling of not lost but in search, a feeling of complacent but for a long time, a feeling of just about to fall but into infinity

I didn’t know where I was going.

I didn’t know what would happen in the next second.

I didn’t know if somebody who knew would give me a smile of recognition.

I didn’t know whether we took a wrong turn or not.

What I did know is that somewhere the journey is going to end and I will get down safely.

Only with this belief I sat behind, waiting for the stop to come.

Chemistry in the lab

132000 – This is the number of hits that Google gets when you search for ‘Guava + experiments”. My eyes, scrolled down, following the blue hyperlinks which destined themselves in some other corner of this world.

I found what I was looking for. And the link took me back into time – once again.

I was standing alone in that silence filled huge room. The shelves around were stacked with blue and red soln and on the grey door it was written in white font on a black rectangular board – ‘Chemistry Lab’. I loved chemistry and could have spent my life time there if not my craze for physics. One by one everybody had gone home. But I was there; I needed to finish my experiment for this week. I had missed it when others were completing it because of the inter house volleyball match – which we pathetically lost: thanks to me.

Blue was the color I was looking for but don’t know why it was giving me a dark brown – experiment gone haywire. I looked at tutor’s “Basic mistake list” – Blue, shady green…ah brown: Excess of HCl . Ghosh!! I need to start it all again. I began my next level of curses for the guy who added this to the CBSE syllabus.
“This time I am going to make it “I was getting late, as usual. I put in that extra ounce of concentration. I ll find this salt. I hated salt. Didn’t know why they gave any sugar- may be because it was edible with any yuk!

Tap Tap… somebody was coming down the stair to the lab. We had our lab below the ground level. Pretty unusual, but then there was nothing usual in this school.

The foot taps then stopped.

“May be checking out for the assistant” – who had left long ago. I turned back to see who it was. Then I missed my beat.

It was her.

I turned back and tried to act as if I hadn’t heard her coming. “A drop of sulphuric acid then some water…careful …then…ah….talk to her” I knew I was going to repeat it all again.

She came and stood besides me. “ which salt?” she asked with a smile. “I don’t know…I been trying to find it for the last one hour” I said with all my eyes on the test-tube. “You?here?at this time? …let me guess …you missed your practical for this week?” “Nah..I needed some guava ..so came to ask the assist to bring it” she said with mocking smile.” What for?? I think apples are better….an apple a day keeps the doc away ”
“ and if the doc is good looking keep the apple away” she completed. I smiled.“no yaar ..its for that oxalate ion test…one of ferrous oxide” she reasoned. I looked up. I couldn’t see the sky but my head got clouded after hearing that. “Why are you looking confused” she asked. “you were talking chemistry or something else ?” I was getting naughty. “Don’t flirt ...don’t start flirting”. “That’s the new experiment we need to do for the week next…I was preparing my self” she elucidated. “how boring!!!” I didn’t say it aloud. But still I liked her.” Do you need any help?” she asked. “Ya I guess so, but I used to give chances to only lovely girls” I winked. “ don’t flirt … don’t flirt you moron!!…she is not that type” somebody was shouting in bossy voice from inside. “Oh! Is that so?…I too used give this offer to smart and handsome guys. I guess I should probably leave” she said with an irritated tone.“No wait. I was joking…please help me…I have done up to this” I showed my stat sheet.

We finished the experiment in the next 10 min or so. It was easy but not before she came.

And now when she left, it’s become all the more difficult.

We did the oxalate ion experiment together. At least partially; I just bought the guava, the rest she did.

Confused

I was checking down the lane for that stranger. But she never came, may be she came, but I never knew that she was my stranger then I stopped checking, quite reclining to myself for some or the other reason. I thought I got dejected but lately I realized with all my horrors that why I try to be elusive.
Commitment – whether it’s to follow or to fall; you need them and that’s one sure thing that I lack. I want to do something but then next moment I feel –‘ whats the use if after all these I am wrong” . This lackadaisical feeling just languishes your spirit. The dreams that I cherish aren’t big not for me but then I do not have the vigor to follow them. Half across the lane I keep running and then I stop and ponder “I have reached so far, lets stop there is no thrill anymore chasing this.”
Met across many, but heart caught trapped only once or twice and there too I paused, with a deep apprehension of being right or wrong. Only years have passed, and still, I stand the same with that sheer confusion.

But then am I right or wrong in this?

Should have...

It was a hot day, in fact an unusually hot day. His heart was racing to reach home, To escape from this scorching heat and the black dust that blurred his vision now and then. He cursed himself for not taking his sunglasses. “10 more minutes” he thought.

Not very far, he could see the green signal granting him the permission to cut across the last main street before he reached his final destination, home. He didn’t want to miss this one, involuntarily the accelerator raised and the monster machine raced ahead, leaving behind all the incompetent just to awe. Just 100 yards before, the color changed into a blinking yellow. Still he believed he could make it. But the god fearing and rule
Abiding guy in the black civic ahead had other plans. The monster machine stopped with screeching sound that showed the pain his disc brake underwent. “ah..Shit man” He could have got away with it. The signal started his slow count backwards 80...79...78.
The heat inside his helmet was unbearable so to have some fresh air soothe his strain, he removed them.

The old man didn’t have the right arm, looked like it got severed in an accident. It was sure not a congenital tragedy. Without the help of that bended stick his mobility was restricted. But then it was not what made him beg either. For an unknown reason he was on this street and here only begging let him sustain his life. With the weary eyes and a hopeful look he walked towards him. The signal was not still green. His hand fumbled for his wallet.” it’s in my left pocket…” he tried hard. He caught his wallet with his left hand and still trying hard not to let the helmet fall down. There were notes of different denomination but he didn’t want to part them, he had worked hard for them. “And there were many beggars like this one. I can’t give them all” he reasoned. Suddenly his N70 started its vibration. He switched on his blue tooth.” hello..” he hated this piece of his investment, still he had to bear it. The old man still was eyeing him. He tried to look somewhere else.” a that’s it” he turned off the blue tooth. He again began the search for a coin. “Its there” he thought.

“oye kiska wait kar rahe ho”( whom are you waiting for) somebody shouted from behind. The green signal blinked and hundreds of horns blared at once. He quickly put the wallet back. The monster roared to life again lurching forward. In the rear view mirror he saw the old man waiting for another red signal.

A school time to remember.



Years after when I went there, I didn’t see any familiar faces. The strange building, which, once was not, welcomed me with a bagful of memories. Walking across that veranda, for a retrospection ,or may be not, memories flooded my mind.

It all started here; when the life was full of possibilities with limitless freedom ,but always willing to give you a second chance. The schooling period of life is indeed the golden era of this paradoxical journey called life.

The innocent faces with inquisitive looks that you mauls you from the moment you enter the class late, to the relief for agony when that long bell ring in the evening: I miss them all.

Unannounced tests that make your heart pump faster to nearby answer sheet that doesn’t tally; I dare not think about the day when mistakes of those private answers were made public with a slight humiliation in front of 42 pair of eyes. But still I miss them all.


5 minutes break that falls for less or more time, in between the teachers that come and go, to the arguments which seemed like the never ending battle for world dominion. The commotion when asked about the assignments that test your physical stamina to zero periods that was for, say, doing nothing. I miss them all.

Unholy white dress on Wednesday to make your day with a mass PT to the rounds of jogging around the ground before the chaotic football session, nah an un pedagogic freedom, I miss them all… because never are they going to come back

I stood in front of my class room: 12 A, there on the left side I still could see myself. He was packing the bag, I remember, concerned about tuition thereafter. Suddenly his eyes went towards the door step. He was looking at me….. like a stranger.

ps: grammer and spelling mistakes are to be forgiven -:)

11 years……

Tring Tring.

“Hello, Aadi here”.

“Hi, do you recognize me “The other end said with an air of naughtiness.

“uh? Umm….Rithika?”

“why? Is she the only female who calls you up?” There was a tint of disgust.

“Ok, tell me which angel is talking” He asked.

“ah , so you flirt eh??” She was mused.

There was a brief of silence as Aadi was ransacking his brains.

“you remember a short, bobbed and cheeky girl in 6th and 7th std ?” she was not sure.

“Tia…? TIA!!!!!” finally senses knotted together to pulled it up.

And so the conversation started. 11 years of stories was exchanged in 6 minutes . There was more to be said , more to be heard. May be it was 11 years since he met her. But still he could sense the bondage. And moreover there was this easiness in talking to her.
11 years is a long time. A time for which change has no absolute meaning. A time when you feel that you have been forgotten, peacefully laid in the entangle of some obscure grey cells.

“So how come you remembered me suddenly?” he asked.

“Umm…who said I forgot you” The tone was heavy.

“Adi!!!!!!!! Aren’t you coming with me or not??” a female voice shouted in the background.

“Who is that??” The concern in the voice was feeble yet strong.

“She is my friend….girl friend” he said with a pause.

Beep Beep Beep. The line became dead in the next second.

Everything had changed in the 11 years.

I wish....

I wish there was no existence
As a mere mortal what is in life
A world full of woes and worries
And existence is to have more.

I wish there was no existence
To see the end I cannot,
Here I stand with endless mistakes
And existence is to have more.

I wish there was no existence
For the path once taken
Thorns rip my toes walking
And existence is to have more.

I wish there was no existence
The burden of expectation
Failing all across the way
And existence is to have more.

On the Stage with Signs

I believe in miracles.
when hope ends,miracles happens and then it creates a new saga.

"Next team is synergy, please come on the stage.." the coordinator for Dumb chrades bellowed.
Three most smartest chaps of our batch went on to the stage. The coordinator uttered something in the third guy's ears .He had to show it to second guy who would be sitting with his back on to first guy. Now the rule was, after the second guys gets what the third guy is showing, he needs to face the first and make him say what the coordinator said. The round was called dumb-dumbc.

The third guy was acting out something, with a ciphered text known only to his mate. The encryption was so strong that the audience of 60 odd people sat dumb folded in that auditorium at 11:30 in the night. They were watching the future literary champions of the coming 3 years.

Suddenly the second guy got up with an exhilaration and went to the first guy. The tension of the third was visible, he didnt know whether he conveyed it correct or not. But before the cordinator could give the first warning bell. They blurted it out - "1857- first war of independence".

They had done it in 1 min 45 sec. now the event standing were:
1st Daredevils .
2nd pirates of caribeans
3rd Synergy
4th Three of us - "thats us!!!!"

"Its over dude" my friend told to me with a tone of disappointment. "they study well, they are the good and dutiful sons of their parents and so the god gives them all and what are we..just a bunch of hoogligans, we deserve to loose ...er...afterall we are loosing to some good team" My friend uttered so that only myself and our other team member could hear.

Just then Maheshwari from the pirates gave me sneer. I knew the meaning. we had to do this round in 54 second to be at least third. And if we dont, well wait for another one more year and beat all the 60 teams or more that came this year from different parts of the country.

" B!!..you remember the codes right ..independence struggle and related - Gandhi, wars- planes, assasinations - A gun......" my third mate tried to remind me.
"err....ya man i know....." i thought we should run away now.

"Now the last team for this competetion and this final, Three of us...please come on stage"

My heart started pounding ."72...80...90...oh god its going to burst" I thought. I was the first one to get the incident from the mouth of the cordinator. I had to enact this to my first team member who by now was staring on to my face.

As soon as i got the topic from the coordinator. I came in front my first interpreter and jumped - meaning its a sitter and think low (dont break your head!!!) . I hunched back and started to walk

He laughed at me and stood up and raced to final interpreter. Showed the same sequence to him.
"Dandi march" My friend screamed.

"Yessssss" i screamed.

"Guys ," Three of Us" just made a new record- They did this in 11 seconds which means we now have our results"

1st Daredevils .
2nd Three of Us
3rd pirates of caribeans

Daredevils were a final year team. It was their last time on the stage . From a point of no hope, we came back and created a whole new order. It was Three of Us all the way for the next three years.

Dear God,

First let me congratulate (again) for creating this wonderful world. More wishes for creating a masterpiece like me. That apex creativity always radiates from me. I mean how you put all those complexities in me like a cough at sharp 11 pm then a sneeze at 1:00 am ,getting up at 7 am( whatever time I sleep) etc . I always try my programs to be perfect like yours but alas I am not you.

You must have been very busy in the last year with all those terrorist activities going around in the name of you and your foreign policies. I wonder how you are able to play from both sides of the chess board, I find it rather boring. Moving from the global arena my personal playground, even though you didn’t do a great job in 2006, but more or less it wasn’t a bad year. I met a whole lot of people and closely got associated with some funny, some weird, some social, some kewl and some great people, thanks for making my destiny to meet them.

Well then what else, hope you will make the 2007 a great year . Please refrain from making any sort of confusion as it may indirectly harm me as I am working on this tight rope industry of softwares. Oops forgot to ask “ How are you ?”

Your creation,
B

Mu:You walk ahead,I ll follow you.....

Da : Why not together?

Mu: Ok....

Mu:How long is it?

Da:Why? are you bored?

Mu:No,I dont want it to end.

Mu:My leg is aching....

Da: Do you want me to carry you?

Mu: yes.....till the end.

In the spirit of engineering.

Take 1:
"Lets get a shoe rack." He said.
'Yaar, we ll be moving out of this place anytime from now' I tried to give an excuse.
'We have been saying this for the last one and half years.' He smiled
He was right. We were waiting for a move or rather contemplating for move, but nothing has happend for quite sometime. Offers came and went. some were really good and some pathetic, some we wanted and some they didn't want us. Yes we were to be here for some more time
'ok lets buy one'. I gave up.' how many shoes do we have??'
'umm May be a 20.." he said with a smirk.
He had seven pairs or so in that count. ' So we need two eh??"
"i think so..."
" lets order a new one which can take all our shoes, lets go to carpenter and ask him to make a really BIIIIIIIGGGGGGG one"

Take 2:
"How much will a shoe rack cost ...i mean a 4X5 ft one....." I asked with all my apprehension. I knew around 1000 buck we were going to blow today...
He took his 1960 calculator and started typing. he was not a as fast a SW engineer, but at least he had the liberty to charge the client as much he wanted.
' That would be 3000 for 12 inch super quality Plywood"
Both of us just dropped our jaw." Brother, i don't want a shoe rack made of gold.??" i told him.
" i can make it for 1600, thats the final price"
" we need to think, we ll come later" he knew that was the end of the deal. We started walking back. where to next......
"lets go to second sale market, i think we may be able to get a nice one that fits our bill" Ideas where starting to sprung out of my old weedy head.

Take 3:
Heaps of wooden furniture lay one above the other. Some had a broken arm, others a broken leg. But some were fortunate enough to be in a single piece.They once had a glorified past, An era where they were loved, where they were the fashion. But as change was inevitable they were destined to be here at last.
'Do you have a shoe rack or something like that" I didn't have any hope but then necessity was mine.
"we had one made out of cane, but we sold it off today morning." The old man in charge said with a weary eye.
"Its dusty here, you know i am allergic to dust. why not we make it" My friend gave me a challenging look.
"when did i say no....." I smiled.

Take 4.
Brainstorming sessions, drawings, measurements,Axe blades, Pipes, T joints. and 2 hrs. Our hall got converted to a living hell after the creation. With a four floor structure that was not only stable but also obeyed the equilibrium laws that once we heard in the sominiac mechanical class. Moreover, we gave it a flexibility to take it off in a polythene cover and pack off to another location.
After 2 hrs we were beaming at our creation.
"Next thing we should make is book shelf" My friend said a energetic confidence.
"what???, i quit reading."

A walk to remember

"Are you coming for a walk? "
An individual who knew me for the last 23 years asked.She was my mother.
'Huh....I am reading a book mum, may be tomorrow". I loved my couch and the hollywood movie that was going on. I was in dolce far niente.
"Ok", she said with a dismal voice.
I may not be good son, but then which son could make his mum unhappy."
"wait......I ll come."
I switched off the television and got up and fletched a muscle or two and was on my way out.

From the time i remembered she took the same route and usually starts at the same time, so i didnt ask where we were going.She had slowed down and i had gained pace. But i slowed down for her to catch up. Then we walked in unison.

I used to go with her like this , long before the college. Then it decreased and gradually, it stopped. Only the path was the same, but surroundings had changed. New buildings had come up in our small residential areas. we passed many like us . some smiled while some looked with a suspicion, but we dint mind.

Then we began to talk about the job, friends, the latest movies and stopped in books.

'which was the last book that you read?'
'Ignited minds, its good one, i got from your shelf...i didnt you read stuff like that' she said with a sparkle in her eyes.
'its an old one, you didnt get anything else...i think i brought it two years back while traveling from chennai' I exemplified .
" Son, when age and responsibility catches up, you come down on what you like....i didn't have all the enthu to go to library and take one or two for read" . The tone had suddenly changed to dry one.
" But lately i am catching upon, i wanted to read Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, you must be having it,right?" She said with new air of confidence.
" I had it but i gave it someone else" I didn't want to talk about it anymore but she didn't let me finish.
"well then get it back for me" She commanded.
"I cant mum, i ll buy you another copy.......i gave it to her as a present" I didn't know how to put it better than that.
Suddenly she stopped and turned to me and asked " you still love her ???"
"Mum i am missing my show, could you please walk a little more faster" I complained.


On the next day, I bought that book one more time and wrote :

" Love is eternal , for a person who taught me"
your son,
B

Out of confusion.....

Staring at the star studded sky from my terrace i was thinking about where was i ?

The journey so far was nice. Like a sinusoidal wave, my ups and downs were even. Since the trough part of the wave was too much prolonged for quite some time, i believe in a rise of amplitude in the positive direction. But as every man goes through this 'quarter life crisis' , i am happy that i too am a human moreover a common man.

Suddenly i saw a shooting star falling across the distant horizon.

I closed my eyes and made a wish: every time it was the same but not this time. Its time that i moved on. And since the dark veil of murky illusion passed away in the last monsoon rain, i dreamed something new. The acrospire just began to happen but this time for a definite future.

The reflection of full moon on the beating waves gave a wonderful sparkling effect.

Remembering the past made me nervous of the future. This was fear that neglected me for some period of time. Fear is an quintessential necessity for the success of life. Last time i had it, i landed up in an NIT. I felt good about this paradoxical irony.

It was already late and i needed to get up early in the morning. I got up and went to bed for brand new tomorrow.

Walking across the waves......

It was breezy with tincture of chillness in the air. Humidity had gone out for a vacation or it seemed, chennai was fine again. Across the footsteps of someone in front i followed, waves were kissing the shore with its never ending love or rather should i say lust.

Kites were conquering the sky and migratory birds were alarmed and across the clouds, up far above, a boeying 747 was circling across the imaginary terminal in the sky. ......it seemed as if it was a bit crammed up there.As for down below,here, sand castles built by our young-would-be engineers flooded my way ahead. some with towering watch houses , some with barricades and yet some others with rising tombs. They were happy as was me.

One after the another, waves repeated their monotonicity,without getting bored. Across their boundary sat couples with a world to share for themselves. Hushing in each other ears about a tomorrow for themselves. sometimes getting 'naughty' with themselves,The world around had stop revolving for them. They were in love. They were happy as was me.

Hot spots of some other relations existed in there, Having ground nuts to chew and some old jokes to share. They were aged yet they seemed young. Having crossed many high tides and whirlpools, euphoria spread across their faces. They were happy as was me.

I had covered some beautiful things in my short stroll on that beach. I stopped and turned back, they were my happy memories, like a beautiful era added to my life chronology. I saw many footsteps, some were mine and some were of others, i wanted to know my steps. I walked back, keeping again a mantle for those happy moments to be retrieved.

A Setback and a come back....

About sometimes before i made a mistake and to realize it was a mistake it took me a very long time - to be precise 5 yrs. I learned a lot from it.

About 1.5 yrs before i made another mistake and now i am in the process of rectifying it.

I got my lost confidence yesterday, was wondering where it had all been for this long time. Its like when a batsman who is currently not in form gets his class back on fine morning. The only difference is batsman get thru this process once in while in a season but for me it was going for the last 2 yrs or so.

Yes I am back!!!!!!!!! Thanks dude(GOD)!!.

To dream the same again.....

There is this murmur in your head saying something which you cant understand...Not that language spoken is unknown... Not that thought is irksome.... but just because its quite impossible to comprehend them with a sane mind. A thousand voices saying to you – their opinions, their priority , their exaggerations and what not and you sometime end up taking it – rather forced to take it.
It was a dream,which I never want to be materialized.
My hands were getting numb after driving for long hours, don't know since when i was driving. The road was winding and climbing up. Below I could see the green belt of eucalyptus and cannon ball trees, spanning across a numerous hills with patches of clouds touching them at here and there. When the car graced across the wild bushes around the corner, chilled dew drops sprinkled across my face.

I loved it

I didn't know where i was going. The road was getting presented in front of my eyes ....from somewhere Apart from a small grunter of the car,there was nothing else to listen except the silence. Even that couldn't match the beauty which surrounded me. An effervescent yet mystique smell straddled across everywhere. My vision was getting blurred because of the mist on the glass, i put on the viper to draw it off.....

Out of the blue, I saw her, in white surrounded by fog ...like a ghost. She waved her at me, i pulled over.

“ I am going this way, can i join you .....”.
“But i don't know where i am going??” I artlessly submitted.
“Please let me join you “ she didn't wait for the answer before I could , the door was locked from inside .
“ Do you know where this road leads to ??” I queered , the journey had begun...again.
“ I don't know , but I can give you a company” she said with a assuaging tone.
I smiled.
The road ahead, like the cadence of a once forgotten song, meandered to somewhere we didn't know .We didn't talk. Silence was playing yet another master stroke. I didn't want to break the quietness nor did she. So we played along. A cat and mouse game.
Time, it seems was hesitating to move. But the places around passed on to new places. Some interesting, some beautiful, some that may never be seen.
Suddenly the fog thickened, and vision became hazy. I stopped the car, And waited for the vision to be cleared.Mean while silence continued.

“Talk to her” ....something in me said.

“No!! don't do that ...she likes silence ..don't break it” ....somebody else said with authority.

“May be she wants you to speak first”....former stressed.

“just don't listen to them ..you have got a long journey” ...said a third.

I didn't know what to do....So I waited.
May be seconds were moving to minutes and them onto hours....we waited.
Suddenly the mist cleared and slowly my speedometer began its ascend.

They were talking in my head, arguing what needs to be done.

“Maybe i should talk to her” ...somebody with the veto power came up.

“Why do you want to come with me?” I asked her.

A smile – that was the answer.

“she is just another hitch hiker” ...someone from the group said.

“No she wants to know more about you” another said.

“I think you should let her out” .....the third said.

“Enough!!!!” I screamed

“what happened ??? “ she asked with a shaky voice.

“Stop the car, I need to get out. Now!”

I stopped the car.

Before I turned towards my left, the door was opened and closed.

She was walking into the mist. I wanted to call her.

But I didn't know the name.

And then she was gone.

May be in some other night's dream I would ask her why she left me ?

Strange isn't it ?

A Lightning loss...

It was pitch black around except for the occasional vision provided by fighting blades in the Sky.
I rolled from one side to another to come into that perfect position to slide into my dreams. Alas, it was not that easy.

Time : 1:30 AM.

May be an hour later it had started to rain. Thunder had also started its dance. Since my flat was on the beach side the echo created was actually like thumping your heart. Being a guy it is a little shameful to say i was scared not because of the rain,thunder or the lightening but of the fact that our building was rather old and also it was made under a “govt contract” which made the risk something like crossing a express highway Blind folded. Temperature had dropped down and my legs were getting freezed up. I was trying hard to find warmth inside my new quill.

I don't know whether there was world war going or out but it was turning to be scary. With a masochistic sense thunder and lightning was increasing the uneasiness in me. I slowly lowered my quill from my face just to check whether there was any world left or just stones.

“Oh!! my cable and modem connection!!! i need to unplug those” .

The comp was in my room so got up and moved my lazy legs to corner where my bread-&-butter-machine majestically sat. Before i could figure out where the LAN wire was something bright flashed outside the window- “a UFO” i thought. Then there was loud wailing sound of a car, the bloody lightening just had dented a hole in one of my neighbor's wallet. I smelled my comp, just to assure that nothing had burned down . I waited for the next lightening to strike so that i can unplug before the very next came. As soon as the sky flashed its ugly teeth i took out my cable - operation comp save SUCCESS!!!

Now i need to save my idiot box.

It was in the hall, i mustered my courage and like new born, waggled across to destination hall.
Suddenly the power went, darker shade around me increased its intensity ten fold. My nocturnal sense told me i should take a right first then take 6 feet and then turn left and again take 4 feet to get my first touch on the TV. I took the right walked 6 feet and as was taking the left, some monstrous creature suddenly came in front of me- as was the first reflex action of every human – I screamed.

The voice echoed and even conquered the one happening outside. The amplitude was intensified by another voice

suddenly from no where power came .”dude..its me “ , my party roommate had just came in and he too was on his way to unplug.

We spend some time chatting and then bang.....Zzzzzzzz.........

Like the phoenix from the ashes, the first rays of sun called me. I opened my eyes to see all notes that i jotted down spawn across the floor. I removed my quill and was about to put on the slippers...

“Dude, did you put off the cable....” he asked instead of the usual warm “good morning”.

“ I thought you did it ......what happened” ....I was expecting nothing bad.

“ Oh ...Then i think its gone – yesterday's lightening was too much for it “ he said in plain complacent tone while putting on his Blazers to go off for another morning round.

In a nutshell

Choice - a luxury

Faith - an ubiquitous belief
Hope - a quintessential delusion

Miracle - a chance for resuscitation

Destiny - an unexpected end

Life - a twisted tale

The Butterfly effect.

"Butterfly effect can be defined as the propensity of a system to be sensitive to the initial conditions."

~ Wikipedia

This is the only phinomin i know in Chaos theory.

On that unfaithful day, I along with my friend had gone to play basket ball in the city auditorium.The game was supposed to be short :- it was one-on-one. He was behind me by 5 baskets and ball was playing gymnastics under his hand.

" This one is for Rithika" he shouted while shooting the basket.

" Hey i already put a basket for her...thats not fair" I pleaded.And as unfair it was, I was racing to get out of the D after collecting the rebound. One out, i charged in to the center. He, as usual, was in his tenacious and technically offensive defense to counter my charge.

"This is for the new girl with the blue eyes", he jumped to his limit but ball eluded him once more to get inside its beloved hoop. one more added to the total tally he needed to close the game."Okay boss, winner take it all - golden basket", he gave his wicked smirk.

"It only 5:15, and i am leading!!!" I protested.

"Dont you remember about the project Viva?" he asked.

The pace wasn’t that high but we were sweating. He was better of in terms of stamina, so I thought for a sec but then its only a game.‘Ok lets go for the golden basket….i know I am going to lay it today" - I beamed with confidence.

"mate, I don’t know why.. but you always fail in the end ……just as you are going to be now" His cacophonic voice echoed the court.He was right I always made it to last but get fumbled in the last step. But today I was not in a leave like that…..

"Lettttttttttttttttttttttsssssssssssssssssss starrrrrrrrrrrrrrt……….. "Before his grunting voice’s reverberation stopped, the ball was high in the air.

"gotcha…." Height was his advantage and he made a good use of it. He flipped the ball behind my back to take it through his feet - I loved that move!!!I ran behind him, and forked my arms to make his grip on the ball loose, but it was too late, he already got that ‘eventful’ split second to shoot.

"Once again aadhi ….." . The ball sprang from his hands to hoop and I, as usual, was praying to my beloved gods not to let it happen.

I looked at him then the ball it wobbling in the air, trying to make its way ahead, at one point of time I thought it would never reach the basket, but destiny was different.With just enough it reached there and as not i wanted didnt go off the course. The first touch was on the square’s border above the hoop, then-a-suppose-to-be-out It bounced back to outer rim of the hoop,there is stayed for a second or so and finally it went inside.The entanglement gave its way for unwelcomed guest.

"yessssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he frantic shout reverberated.

I, then, didn’t know that basket was going to decide my fate.

‘I told you right …you will never put the last basket"

Not again.........!!!!!

I took the ball from the side court and shooted with the chin-up-leg-bend position for a three pointer. It missed by a whisker.

"Aadhi..start practicising from under the basket then try for three or six" ....his wicket voice once again echoed through the court. With a ready backpack he started walking towards me....i, in mean time had taken my second shot and missed.

"lets go man...we got a viva to attend, and you know prof wont like late commers" he gigled and said.

" I want my basket" I said assertively.

"not today mate...you wont get it" . steam was rising from my both ears.By this time i had already taken god-know-how-many shot ...still no luck."last call...you coming or not" he was serious this time.

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" , I Screamed.

It was only two after that scream i reached hostel, tired and frustrated . When I reached college at around 9, they were coming out of the computer center.

I missed my 7th semester ViVa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because of which I got a back in project by 2 marks.

Because of which I missed my dream company by .7 percentage .

Because of which my girlfriend got into different town and onto different boyfriend.

Because of which I started boozing and weeding.

Because of which I couldnt do my task properly.

Because of which I didnt get my appraisal.

Because of which I dont have a penny in my pocket at the end of the month.

All these........for that last basket.

"The initial deviation may be assumed to be small on linear scale but with time as the another function the amplitude of difference after a span of time always is quite high"

~ Wikipedia

By the way I did put the last basket of the day.

The Recluse

Standing in front of my mirror,
Remnant glory sneers at me.
Running away from life,
Only shadow of mine is with me.

Standing in front of my mirror,
Winding path of an innocent mistake mocks me.
The unknown destiny of my self,
Shows its mistiness to me.


Standing in front of my mirror,
Her prudent glee softly kills me.
Memoirs of that time,
Remind what laughter is to me.

Standing in front of my mirror,
meanders of today smirks me.
Haziness of the image,
Undoes the immortality of me.

A software LIFE cycle.....

I get up

Go to office

code..

code..

requirement change. then again

code..

code..

Test case fails, again

code..

code..

Deliver it and bug comes

I go back home to come back again to

code..

and the vicious cycle continues -

To Answer The Past.

He was new to the place. Like a lost child searching for his mother he kept asking.But in vain.
Nobody bothered to look into his eyes and know his concern.His warmth in adressing vieled the pain behind those eyes and they did it perfectly, serving another purpose as though.

"which way to santhome church ? " his heavy voice asked with respect.

"I am new to this place, i dont know !!! " the white collered guy with laptop said.
May be he knew but didnt want to reveal it as he had just hidden his lifes saving under the cross.

He smiled back.

A few meters ahead, there was a tea stall "Heavens" . He took his long strides to interupt the round table conference going there. Newspapers from yesterdays were all strewn across the temporary bench. Hot fumes from the teapot made the surrounding suffocating but nonethless he liked the aroma. Out of the diplomats only an old paltry guy going through the paper seemed his presence there, but he too waited for his lips to make the first move.

"Hello!, can you tell me the way to santhome church ?"

The topic of " who is better? sonia or manmohan" suddenly lost it bonus poll points.

"Today there is no Mass, tomorrow there is one in the morning" ,a typical rural indian answer, you ask for cat they say dog and you say dog then they ask where is the dog.

"No ..No ..i didnt come for Mass, i just needed to know the way" He said with the same old smile.
"Oh ..you take the first right and then straight, it end at church gates." with a sense of unseen pride he said.

" Thank you..." again flashing the curteous smile, he took his directions.

He first met her in the library, then in canteen, then in Dr Cherian's Home....only then he knew his prof had a beautiful daughter too apart from wacko son. He doesnt know what was special in her, her smile,her caring look,her straddled up hair, her unintentional sarcasm,her provoking moves at disc.....whatever it was he was in madly love with her. He realised this only when he left for America. Its been six years since, his profile changed from a B.Tech to a MS to a PhD but his marital status remained the same : Single.

He missed her very much in all those years but it was...... too late.

"Girls get aged very early, they need to be married of as early as possible" His orthodox mother's rule 31 echoed in his head.

Ya,it was indeed late... He realised.

"Take right ...", he didnt want to loose way one more time.

She had sent letters. Almost everyday.Then it became twice a day,then thrice,then a week.....then one day it stopped.He didnt know why then, but now he knew why......

"To maintain a distant-relationship is difficult, particularly when the girl is hot, there are always better guys than you or me around and they dont miss OPPURTUNITIES" his sadistic friend was speaking his mind in one of those drinking session. He didnt mind it then ..but now........

Off all the places, he found it hard to believe that he would be meeting her in a church, that was the last place on the earth for a meeting after all these years. Its not like she might be changed, ya person change afterall six years is a very long time. He changed, with long hairs, a beard and large spectacles with a pierced ear. He had a look of grassed out rock star rather than a brooded up professor. But nobody complained.

" the church gate..." He went passed the sad virgin Mary. Cathedral was in front with a large white cross in the front of it. Bouginvilla were planted on either side of it . Towards the right there was grotto and at the back of it he could see it. There were so many of them. Some in blue, some in white, some in light pink..... He moved towards them with a kind sluggishness that caught hold of him.
His eyes searched for some familiarity but she had always eluded him, may be this time too. Then he saw them....as usual she had different sense of selection.
On white marble, with a little girl in Balle dancer's dress just below the cross.White kind of lavender spread across the cross hiding the engraving. He removed them to a side .
It was written in black in some font he didnt know....

Anna Rose Cherian
Born On: 12-03-1980
Died On: 04-11-2001
"For all those coming here to see me...Dont tell me you came empty handed"

He took his the red box from his pocket. The ring was expensive at that time when she had asked but not anymore. He placed it on the Tomb.

Tears started rolling but he didnt cry.

Full Throttle

Click.

His 180 CC pulsar roared into life. The machine was new, just a month old and he cared it like his baby. No it was his baby. He could feel the shudder through his spines; it went across his arms to heart and then let the adrenaline flow. He made the grip on the left hand a little loose to adjust the clutch.

Click

Gear one.
The baby picked up its momentum, like a newborn trying to make it first step, it waggled. But his assured hand just let it didn’t go. The speedometer climbed it journey up.

Click

Gear two.
The RPM ascended, he checked his rearview mirror, and his home was becoming a dot. Soon it will be a smug. The kuccha road would soon give away to well maintained National highway. There he would be free bird.

Click

Gear Three.
Green signal gleefully welcomed him to take his much awaited left turn. The indicator was already on. The weeping sound of the blinking light pierced his WEGA black helmet. He didn’t want it to be there, but somehow it got there.

Click

Gear Four.
Chilly air swirled across his blazers. He hadn’t covered his front buttons, so he became the superman. Speedometer quickened its ascend. The places on either side became part of his history. The future was coming down, becoming present and then gone…it was past. There were two trucks in front of him. Gently he turned the accelerator, baby wriggled past its worthless prey. Brightened eyes were streaking across his opposite side. He closed his eyes for sec and then regained his composure.

Click

Gear Five.
110 Km/Hr, the bike grunted and showed his anger. But he didn’t mind it, after all why did he buy a 180. The pages of the journey were turned over before it could be read. Name boards, pedestrian pathways, night lamps were becoming history. Now he was not riding. Not Anymore.

Screeching sound. Metals entangling in between and…just pain.
He could see people around all staring at him, what happened??????

There was something wriggling across his chest. White man with spec took his wrist and laid down on the bed. Nervous looking white angel was staring him like he was dead.

“ How many bones are broken” he asked. But nobody replied. He asked again and once more the silence answered. They all went towards the door. One by one escaped to the world outside. He could see his mother trying to get one glance of him.

Click

Door closed.
A few seconds more then he could hear the loud wailing from outside.

The Sacred Question

He looked around, still befuddled. He couldn’t understand it. He tried so hard but now he wanted to know before he slept and he was feeling sleepy, guardian angel has started their song for the night. First he thought he would ask Chechi , but if it was a stupid question chechi would make fun of him. He hated that.
And even if she knew she doesn’t know how to say it. Then there is grandpa, he could explain but its too late and he would probably have slept. Ma has said him not to disturb while he is taking rest. She says only naughty boys’ calls their grandpa while sleeping and he was not a bad boy. Ma, would be still in the kitchen, she will be sleeping only after pa comes and Ma won’t mind telling him at this time, for that matter anytime.

He loved his ma…..Very much.

He put off his satin bed covers and put on little slippers with Mickey on the flaps that aunt molly had presented him last summer. He was not that afraid of dark but he didn’t like bugaboo. Ma says bugaboo don’t eat good boy and he was a good boy. The white curtain facing achu’s house suddenly fluttered, he ran to the hall with his teddy tightly held in his arms. He ran across the mahogany table with out lumbering pa’s Chinese vase in obscure corner between the table and the wall.
Spicy aroma of nutmeg and cardamom was spewing from the kitchen.she was making something new,she experiments only in the night when everybody has slept. If its good he would be getting it tomorrow. He loved whatever Ma made. Ma was a very good cook. Everybody use to say this.

“Ma” his inquisitive soft voice called her.

“yes kanna, you are still awake ?” she said with all her concentration on the dish-in-making.

“No Ma, I couldn’t ….”

Dish-in-making suddenly lost his creator, she turned towards her son.

“why honey…did you have any nightmares”.
“No Ma….its just question.” He said in a subdued voice as if what he is going to ask may something utter stupidity.

“Ma, how are babies formed…?”

A question of evolution asked by 7 yr old – the most sacred secret answer yet so commonly known to everyone …Ma was speechless for a minute. Then she smiled.

“kanna I would tell you how you were formed when you were a baby.”

“Anybody who needs a baby has to get approval from god, you request about the kind off baby you want like for example I and your dad asked for you to be smart and cute so you are now. Then the god will decide whether permission should be given or not. The god would think for about some ten months regarding this. In this duration he would add on the features that the parents asked for and after ten months a baby is given you”

“Whooooooooooooo” pressure cooker screamed at the top of his tongue.

“did you get it…”
“ so I was made like that ..umm…yes” he said with his gleaming eyes wide open.

Dish-in-making suddenly got his creator back.

“Now go to sleep …you need to be in school tomorrow” she said with her assertive voice

“Good night ma” he was thinking again.

“So achu was wrong again…..there is nothing called sex and all right??”

“whooooooooooooo” pressure cooker showed it agony.

For her eyes Alone

Sitting in the first bench is the worst thing that can happen to a last bencher. Its even worser if he has to do that all round the year. And that too consecutively for two years

I went through this ordeal.

2001,June 16. Most of the faces around me were familiar. But who knows some unfamiliar ones may be fringed upon your mind forever. The circle were already formed, some big, some small and discussion begun. “I joined at PC Thomas” my STUDIOUS friend was bragging to me and my circle.” Well I too joined: - waste of money” another friend of mine said. Every body had a good time and me too. I got my Hawk as a present and was roaming across the township for most of the time.

Then suddenly silence echoed across the class room.

We still were in our world. Topic had gone from PC Thomas to Sunni’s Bio class from there to girls outfits and norms of having MINI’s in school.

“You there” shouted the woman in the red( I think she was teleported there just a few sec before) “what’s there to laugh this much?” .“If its that much funny then let us here too” . A thousand butterflies suddenly started a migration trip inside my stomach. “Maam, we were just talking about …eh..umm….” . “No explanation needed” she barked. “Come to first bench and you will be fine there" ,

“Ok “who cares…..wickedness in me scowled.

“for the rest of year”

Nooooooooo. I didn’t expect this …at least on the first day.

Thus my first and as well class first punitive act began. Thank god I had peed before coming to class.

I quietly came to the front row. “Oh god the black board is too near! Moreover I was in the striking range of every teacher”. I knew everyone in that row but none of them were close enough : At least for men’s world they were young….too young.

I stared at the board.

Blank. A black infinity an eternal one, stretching across the unknown platitudes, maybe sitting the first bench is not bad after all. I can dream a lot. Suddenly that trance was broken by supernova explosion. “ Day dreaming in the first bench”. “no maam I just….” I again fumbled. “Do you want me to throw you out on the first day itself”. “Oh Please” But nothing came from mouth. I just stood there – like a dumb head.

“May I come in Maam” .

40 pair of eyes turned towards the door.

The same navy blue churidhar with dark blue shawl and bottoms. Is there something special? Nothing. But wait those eyes. Is it trying to say something?

She gracefully walked across me, I turned back to see rest of the SITTING guys were doing. They were waiting for something to happen. I quietly tried to press my ass to sweet bench.

“Did I ask you to sit down?” she snarled. “No maam but I thought…… I could just …as you were talking to her “.

The new girl looked at me and I looked at her. Into her eyes.

She went sat near at the other end of the class. I turned back. Just to lock the vision once more.
The transparency in her eyes was narrating the story for me. Our story.

I stood there all throughout the period and when the bell rang, I straight away went to her.
“Your eyes are beautiful” I said.

“What were you dreaming of?” she asked with a naughty smile.

“oh that…. someone with a beautiful eyes would come into class and she would look at me and I wouldn’t miss that “ I said in subdued romantic tone.

She blushed.

On a Rainy Night

“Its going to be sunny day ” The CNN-IBN weatherman forecasted. I turned around to my window and saw bright sun saying “Oh Man I am going to be so hot hot today”.
I put on my thinnest cotton outfits and went to office.

6:30 PM: Time to leave.

In the bus it was a relief after day long monotony. Everybody had a resentful look, in the background 98.3 FM was howling some Linkin Park-converted-Tamil song. Oh they spoiled the song. Wind was squeezing in through the half opened window. I wanted to push it and open completely but HUMAN COURTSY compelled me not to do so. And no I was not interested brawl with the good looking female sitting front, the half owner of my window. When and where I don’t know. But when I opened the eyes and turned to see whether the my stop missed me or not. The window pane was hazy and the bag on my lap was wet.

The Rain.

The ambiguity that lies behind those windows was soothing. Balmy breeze straddled across my face. And the wet smell of earth made me nostalgic.

The bus had stopped.

It was a drizzle. Small chilly drops smothered across my eyes. I looked up and saw a thousand messages coming to me. I was helpless. The key to that ciphered text, I had lost it long back and didn’t even try to find a spare. Everybody was running for cover. Everybody was expecting something bigger. But I had stopped expecting. I walked in my usual pace. The darkness coupled with rain was making vision blizzard. Yes, the way ahead was into darkness.

Now the battalion attacked with impeccable force. I was completely soaked. Worst socks got wet too. The soggy feet and water in the shoes pulled me back. But I walked. My communication was also going wet too and I thought about setting the semantic right. But eh? I don’t need it .

White blades fought against, from hiding behind veil of clouds.

The holler went to other side of world. I closed my eyes but failed to do the same with ears. The battle was going in some far far of land and suddenly like the end of curtain of movie everything stopped.

The lightning stopped, The thunder stopped and the rain stopped.

But my battle had just began with closed eyes and opened ears.

A Harbinger’s journey

Railway station is full of anxiety. Always. People looking around, the chai wala running to catch his next prey, the paper boy shouting todays news as if there is no tomorrow, The arrival announcement of the next train echoing through the platform.

I stared out to the platform to check whether it was my train.it was a 110 bogie cargo traing straining to move ahead strenously.The line in front of me was wagging its
long tail. Somebody tried to get inside the queue and people started shouting. Even in this June its hot and dont mentioned the humidity. People were getting baked in that 20*20 foot hall. One by one the the queue shortened, the frustrated guy at the counter was firing away tickets as well as abuses. At last I was at st peter’s gate, one ticket to Thalessery. I gave him a yesterday-printed hundred rupee note. It seems he was not satisfied, ok a 10 rupee more. He gave me the ticket with smirk along with the change. In my hands were the ticket and the first ever printed two rupee note of India. Surf Excel should have given the challenge of cleaning it up I bet even they could have failed. But courtesy should be maintained, in a humble “Thank you sir” and he was smiling at me. Respect- something that he doesn’t get outside that counter even from his wife.

Indian railway is always to be indebted for providing so much of time in a busy station with train coming late as usual. If the station contains some Head-turners well then Indian railway is the best railways of the world( yes I am admirer of Laloo !!!(railway mini)). Everywhere there was humming sound. “ she shouldn’t have done that……..” some fat lady sitting beside was saying. “ I wont go there as……” a guy in the checkered black shirt was stating. I strained my ears to catch the next word. “For kind attention of passengers…..” This lady is agonizingly a menace sometimes. She didn’t want me having my time.
The Mangla-lakshdeep express bellowed its tongue before stopping with screeching sound that shrilled across the platform. I took my stride to catch my prey and den. The search didn’t last. I clamored in to S4 to sit just beside her and the journey started. And the journey is still going on. Across the green meadows, across the rice fields, across the meandering rivers, across the horizon ……….

The Journey back

Nobody was around. The silence was Mystical and stuffy. Left overs of packing was strewn across and the hot dusty May loo was taking them all over the hostel. May 04, 2005, Last day here and Tomorrow? God knows.

I saw everybody leave. One by one and after some time I stopped counting. I packed their bags, helped them carry it and then board them off. Everybody had the same picture in their eyes: - They were going back to old days when everybody walked in white dress, with their head bowed and honoring seniors; when the first bottle of vodka opened on the hostel roof top; when that beautiful junior girl came in and fighting who is going to hit her first; when the new professor came in asked for Batch name, replied with a false one …so many memories.

They are going to be just memories. Aint it? Nothing more. I stared through my window. I could see Gandu calling at me for movie but now …there was nobody. Only the echo left after the call, still reverberating in my ears. It was getting hot and almost half past one. Nobody came to call me for lunch. I locked my room and went towards the Mess. Nobody was there blocking my way. I hallucinated faces, calling me, asking me how I did in the presentation, asking to share a movie or two. Mess was empty, chair and table left after the chaos. No plates, no glasses. I turned around just to see the notice on the Wall beside me “ Mess closing day: 04/05/2005”

I looked up towards the hostel building, windows were all open everybody wanted to come out but nobody was around. I slowly retraced my steps back to my room. I was no more hungry. Everywhere I saw every faces but its was dark and musky. Gloominess surrounding me was telling the tales. I could hear them loud and clear about friendship, about love, about sleepless nights, about parties, about …everything that happened in the last four years.

I took my keys and opened the door for the last time. The room was dusty and murky as never before. Walls across staring at me and all those posters, I didn’t want them to leave it. But then I had a train to catch. The bag was already packed. Nobody was there to wish me adieu except the gigantic cement structures around with plane white walls . I stared one more time across the window . I took my marker and wrote on the wall” This room belongs to your grandfather Mr X,B.Tech IT, Batch of 2005” I locked the room with backpack on, walked towards the exit.


Good Bye MNNIT.

Men dont cook and women dont eat.

yesterday it was not a mistake. Mistakes do happen but not with me, because to err is human but elves dont err!!! I cooked and moreover jasu had it. Friendship was gratified when he said that it tastes good . WOW!! thanks yaar. But might be true it was good. The catch is if you put a tint of Ghee in the Scrambled egg it smells and tastes good.
Leave all that,, Point i want to emphasize why men have to cook if ladies dont want to eat .We are so happy with Mcdonalds and Pizza Huts. They want to have perfect body(we too want that) and why do we want us to cook, afterall their body is OUR BODY right??? (:))
Any females who wants to eat what i cook is welcome. But mind you, dont say it tastes bad, because afterall i dont make any mistakes.

My yesterday.......

Its a kinda of weard title but who cares about my yesterday. Well to start with the day was blank. sometimes people stare towards the sky and brood what to do?, yesterday was that kinda of day for me. I was thinking of my small impulsive decisions( MISTAKES) that was in continum and resulted in this mess called MY LIFE .
But then I am happy that i should be and well to matter of fact i am . so no regrets...
I went for PINK PANTHER , if somebody hates french this kinda of movie they should watch. Every sec, french are slapped with one after another.The movie got some witty moments showcasing the french upper intellect.Its a one time watchable movie.
The way back home was memorable one. I went alone for this one, friends had seen it all. The bike was cruising around 90-95 kmph suddenly out of blue a stoned fellow waggled into front of the bike . I shouted at him from distance to move off, nothing happend. I just closed my eyes and thought " poor soul i may meet him in the hell" . His hands just graced mine. Hey ppl you might be thinking why i thought i ll meet him hell him. I dont know whether he will be given an entry by St Peters but its for sure that i ll be denied there and as i am now, i will be happy in the hell with my friends : - Loose control.