What is that I Seek?

A simple life.

Everybody's dream. A dream in which there is no concept of time but just being with people you love and whom loves you back. And you know it cannot be real. Thus, it stays as a dream. Everybody's dream. My dream.

Fleeting moments of love, where you seek and fret for its presence but then, wail, once its is present, thinking about how much that moment will last. The irony is ,day in and day out, you go through this ordeal, until you get exhausted even being in love. And at that time, you dream again; for that simple life.
A life where there you and her. But no, it stays as a dream.

I wish my dreams sometime, for a change, came true. And that wish becomes another dream. A paradox. 

Love Redefined

In love, and you say it is not. But you feel it around, like a breeze touching your face while driving. It is there but you ask where? And you don't have any reply because you cannot hold it once you stop driving. So you drive and experience the love - the unknown, the unseen and yet, felt all over and beyond.

In love, again.

For you

In shades of grey,
I see your eyes,
waiting for the colors of my life to arrive,
I sleep,
Dreaming about you.

And all that I need do is wake up and walk across.

But wall is so thick,
I feel my strength drain,
And it causes me pain,
For you not to suffer them,
I smile.


And when I cross,
A surge in pain chokes my heart,
For your love for me is not as mine,
And I stand helpless,
In the passing time that's so precious to me.

2012 Resolutions

1. Learn Violin - carried over from last decade
2. Learn Guitar - Somebody has to teach me that.
3. Read Wheel of Time by James Oliver
4. Pass next year.

A Dream Inside a Dream

From the entwined gloominess, He plucked a silence.
She plucked a silence from the same.
And there was a sweet conversation.

A giggle here and a closing eye there,
fluttering kite of a dream together.
Holding her fingers,
forever not leaving it.

Until one day, the cloudy gloominess
poured and washed,
to say it was a dream alone.
And I slept.

Universe is Watching

What would be your dying wish?
I wish to see her smile once again.

Is that all ?
Yes my lord

Amen.
And I saw her smile; the most amazing and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Anything else?
I wish to see her 10 years back on that rainy day. You know when.

And?
I wish to live that moment once more?

Time cannot be reversed. Yet, I could do it.
Amen.





It was raining. She was waiting for her regular taxi pickup. May because of the traffic, he was not there.
I walked towards her.


10 years back.


My heart was racing. I was all wet. I forgot to take my umbrella from my bag.
She saw me and waved. I responded with an odd smile.
Can you share your umbrella? I asked.
Sure. She was all happy. Before she finished.
I added a "forever".
She might have been expecting this because of my odd behaviour for past couple of months.
She smiled.




I was walking towards her.
I was all wet. I forgot to take my umbrella from my bag.
She saw me and waved. I responded with an odd smile.
You are all wet, come and I got some room for you. She said.
I stopped for a second. And politely refused her. I took the umbrella from my bag and unfolded it.

I walked on.




Is that why you wanted to reverse the time?
I smiled.




PS: Trying a new narration style. Hope it didn't suck that much!

Gone!

There is a time when you realize that everything that you lived for was just within your reach. And you just didn't realize it.

A more disturbing fact is knowing about it later. Way later in life, from the point of no return.

And the only thing that comes out is this tiny tear drop which you tried so hard not to let out.
Damn it!

Alone

Being alone is the worst fear that one can have.

A part of my campus is cordoned for the general public after a particular time. To be specific, after 6:00PM. There is a sign board, no, a warning board. It said "No entry beyond this area from 6:00 PM to 6:00 AM. Panther is being sighted frequently in this area. Violation of this order shall be seriously viewed".

Let me tell you more about my campus. My campus is in the middle of one of the greatest cities of the world. Even though, it is in the midst of concrete jungle, it is one of the most greeny campus in the country. On one side of the campus there is a vast lake which in evenings has a unparalleled beauty. On the other side of the campus is a hillock and back to which there is another lake. This lake is hidden to the outside world. It is like a private treasure that only we like to enjoy to ourselves. On the other side of this lake is a national park. Don't ask me how this came here. And thats where the undomesticated lifes thrive. Sometimes they take a visit to our campus by crossing the lake.

The road is along the side of the lake. In wee hours it is a joggers' paradise. But as the ray's of sun slants away, people distance from it. Because Panthers visit there to remember their ancestor and the land they once ruled before we took it from them.

I was feeling very lonely to day. Unlike the daily routine, I didn't go back to lab after my evening jog. I took some random novel to read but I couldn't concentrate, my mind was everywhere except the lines in the book. It was already dark, around 10. I got out the room and started walking in a random direction. My next stop was in front of the lake side gate. I was staring at the warning board.

I looked around. It was too much dark to see beyond 6 feets and except for the squealing rickets, I thought there was nobody present. But I knew, behind that viel of pitch darkness, there was something lurking and watching me. Somewhere I had read that you are always running away from your fear and conquering them is the objective of your life. I was bit nervous. But I decided to conquer my fear.

I crossed the gate and started walking. Into the darkness. After a few steps, there was a rumbling fear echoing from my stomach. But still I walked on. The fear subsided. Then a flurry of memories started to hit me. I felt running away, not from darkness, but from these memories.

I had come a long way from the gate. I felt very lonely. I stopped walking and listened. I was waiting for the Panther to come. Nothing came.

I started to walk again. At that moment, I realised I was alone. This the state which my current life, if pursued, would lead me into. I started to run. Not from the Panther but from me.